


That's One Way to Solve a Problem

by megsblackfire



Category: Mortal Kombat (Video Games)
Genre: Discord probably doesn't work that way, Don't care, F/M, I really wish I could do comic, M/M, Modern AU, everything would be so much funnier, this is so not serious
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-14
Updated: 2019-06-14
Packaged: 2020-05-07 18:08:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19214758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/megsblackfire/pseuds/megsblackfire
Summary: Kuai Liang's roommate always looks ready to murder everyone. His friends are not helpful in figuring out a way to resolve everything. Turns out, Hanzo has a method of his own.There is much crack and lulz to be had.





	That's One Way to Solve a Problem

**Author's Note:**

> Do not take this overly seriously. Its all for the lulz.

“Tell him I said to shoot him.”

“That is not advice, Erron!”

“Sure it is; it’d tell him to back the fuck off while also giving him a very big hospital bill.”

“Yes, can we not piss off the guy that looks like he might have killed at least three people? I have to live with him!”

Erron laughed at the distressed keen in Kuai Liang’s voice. He didn’t envy the man his roommate. Sure, the place was relatively cheap, but it was still stressful whenever his roommate decided to loom over them while they were trying to get schoolwork done. Hanzo Hasashi was a terrifying man who did not seem to like having college students in his house, but was tolerating them only because Kuai was paying the other half of the bills.

At the moment, Erron and Kabal were holed up in their apartment chatting over Discord since there was a nasty snowstorm raging outside. Internet and heating was working just fine, but there was no way that Erron’s old clunker of a truck would make it through all the white shit falling from the sky. So, they were trying to get some work done over the web. Naturally, they had gotten bored because fuck their mutual elective and its bullshit, and had started discussing the best way for Kuai to try to win over the grumpy old man that he shared a beautiful house with.

Because of course the boy that came from a family of fucking cryotech engineers could afford a fucking house. A house rented out by an older Japanese man that always looked a few seconds from snapping and murdering everyone in a ten-foot radius. It was really scary to see, most days, but they could deal with him so long as they didn’t start a fight.

“Maybe a threat will work,” Erron grinned as he walked back to the table with a couple of sandwiches for him and Kabal.

“Have you actually met the same Hanzo as the rest of us, Erron?” Johnny scoffed as he bounced his daughter on his knee, turning away from the computer to coo at his little Cassie.

“I have,” Erron smirked before biting into his sandwich. “I don’t have to live with him if it goes sideways.”

“I do. So, please, suggestions that do not get me turned into roadkill would be appreciated,” Kuai pouted.

“Have you tried talking to him?” Sonya called from Johnny’s connection.

“Talking to him is like trying to get a cobra to not strike you.”

“Pansy.”

Kuai’s pout got bigger. “That’s mean, Sonya.”

They heard a door open somewhere on Kuai’s end. He turned away from his computer and started talking with someone off screen. They heard Hanzo’s familiar growl before Kuai let out a sigh.

“Have to go, guys; Hanzo needs the Net.”

“You guys need a better set up,” Kabal frowned.

“Old wiring,” Kuai shrugged. “I’ll call back if I can.”

He hung up and they returned to their work, throwing links around to help each other with their homework. Erron went to crash on the couch, yawning widely the whole way. He’d been up since dawn and was completely exhausted. He’d wake up in a few hours to go over his assignment one more time before submitting it. Kabal knew to keep it to a low roar, but nothing short of an elephant stampede over his carcass would wake him up.

He woke much later than he meant to, wondering what had woken him. His phone vibrated again and he reached for it, rubbing at his eyes to get the sleep out of them. He heard Kabal playing some videogame in his room, but he figured if his roommate needed anything, he’d come out and talk to him. Kano was out of country, too, so it definitely wasn’t his man texting him to be a shithead.

He scrolled over to his texts and lifted an eyebrow. Kuai Liang was texting him at this hour? The man had a stricter sleep schedule than an army vet. Something must have gone down.

‘Good news,’ the first message read.

‘Hanzo doesn’t hate me.’

‘Bad news?’ Erron texted back with a yawn.

‘I have to pee!’

Erron stared at the phone in confusion. Then an image came through and his mouth fell open. Kuai Liang was giving the camera a massive pout while Hanzo’s massive arm lay draped across his chest. A corner of the man’s grumpy face was just visible from where it was tucked into Kuai’s shoulder.

‘Help me!’

“HOLY FUCK!” he shouted before he vaulted the couch. “Kabal! HOLY FUCK!”

“What?! You just made me fucking miss my shot! That was a five-star buck!”

Erron went skidding into Kabal’s room with a massive grin on his face. “Kuai just fucked Hanzo!”

Kabal’s mouth fell open from where he was loafing on his beanbag chair. “No!”

Erron hurried over and showed his friend the picture. “Proof!”

“Holy fuck!” Kabal cackled before he pushed himself up and scrambled for his phone. “As if he texted you first!”

‘Erron. Erron, please. I really need to pee!’

‘You have to either snake your way out of there or wake him up.’

‘But he looks like an angel!’ A few seconds later, he set, ‘Oh my fuck, you told Kabal?!’

‘Our baby boy just got fucked; of course I told him!’

‘Erron, why?!’

‘Our baby’s all grown up!’

‘Fuck you.’

Erron grinned as he watched the three dots under Kuai’s side of the screen bounce. He let out a cackle as he got a slightly blurry middle finger sent to him, the familiar golden band that Hanzo refused to remove from his finger in sight even though his wife had long since passed away. Apparently, the rapid-fire texting had woken the grumpy Japanese man up.

Kabal let out a cackle before pouncing on Erron’s shoulders. “He is so pissed! Ha! Oh, I am not letting him live this down!”

“Shoulda known it was sexual tension in the air,” Erron laughed. “Should we plan a wedding?”

“I want to say yes, but you saying that word makes me really sad because you know Hanzo’s still not over his wife.”

“Yeah, I realized my mistake after I said it, but it was too late by then.”

“We should get them something shitty and coupley though.”

“Yes. Johnny is sure to know somewhere good.”

“Oh my fuck, we have to tell Johnny and Sonya!”

Erron grinned. “Dude, I am putting that into the Discord!”

“Sub-zero and Scorpion with one of those cheesy hearts?”

“Maybe. I’ll see what I come up with when I actually log in.”

“He’s going to kill us.”

“It’s so worth it.”

They let out another round of cackles. As if the whole problem with Hanzo was resolved by the two of them going for a tumble in bed!

* * *

 

Erron stretched out and dropped his head into Kano’s lap. He wanted nothing more than to be fucking his boyfriend after not seeing him for almost a month, but he had to be social first. Everyone had wanted to say “hi” to Kano when he got back and their little apartment was packed full of their friends. It was only five or six people, but in the cramped spaces, it felt like a lot more.

Kano was chatting with Johnny, cooing at little baby Cassie as she played with the little toy cat he’d bought her while overseas. Sonya was eyeing him, clearly not comfortable with being in the same room as her ex even when everyone else was perfectly fine with him. Erron didn’t care; she could leave if she wasn’t comfortable.

Kuai’s phone went off and he answered it, turning away from the group to have some privacy. Erron lifted an eyebrow at the frown on his friend’s face.

“6, why?” he said. “Hanzo, I can come home…no, really. It’s not that big….”

Erron grunted as he sat up, scooting over to his friend and grabbing the phone from his hand. “Erron,” he grunted.

“Do not let him leave,” Hanzo hissed. “I’m working on a surprise. I wanted to make sure I got the right time and now he’s panicking.”

“On it,” Erron smirked and hung up. “Kano, sit on Kuai and make sure he doesn’t move. Hanzo doesn’t want his boy home yet.”

“Don’t you fucking dare,” Kuai glared at Kano as the huge man started to get up. “I swear to God, Kano.”

“Sorry, mate,” Kano grinned. “Erron asked me to do something and, as his loving man, I must comply.”

Kuai somehow managed to vault over the back of the chair before Kano could pounce on him. Erron howled with laughter as his boyfriend chased Kuai around the apartment, shouting at him to man up and take his punishment with dignity. Sonya started to rise to save Kuai, but Johnny waved for her to sit down, lifting his phone to record Kuai action-manning across the kitchen table to escape Kano.

* * *

 

‘Chatroom name changed from Frosty Got Dicked to Erron Sux Cocks’.

‘Wow, Johnny, really?’

‘What? It’s true!’

‘You didn’t even spell ‘sux’ properly.’

‘Kabal, that’s the point.’

‘My gosh, I hope Cassie doesn’t inherit your sense of humor.’

‘Eat a dick.’

‘That’s Erron’s job.’

Erron rolled his eyes and resisted the urge to send pictures of where Kano was at the moment. He could be very quiet when he wanted to be; Kabal didn’t know how often he fucked Kano in his bed when he was still up and walking around. No one would ever know he was getting his own dick sucked if he didn’t mention it.

He saw the ‘online’ dot appear beside Kuai’s name; currently reading ‘Grandmaster Blueberry Ice’; and had a whole second to register it before Kuai was typing in capital letters.

‘HE BAKED A FUCKING CAKE FOR OUR ONE MONTH ANNIVERSARY!’

‘What?!’

‘Dude, pictures!’

Three images immediately appeared on the screen, showing off the beautifully lettered ‘Happy 1 Month Anniversary’ on top of a vanilla icing cake. Erron let out a low whistle of approval and Kano came up to see what had his attention.

“Huh, remind me to hire Hanzo to make your next birthday cake,” Kano commented. “Little cheesy though, don’t you think?”

“Kuai must love it,” Erron smiled as he watched a jumble of letters appear beside Kuai’s name in the chat.

Apparently, he was just slamming his hands on the keyboard, unable to express himself properly.

‘Breathe, Kuai,’ Johnny typed. ‘You failed to mention that today was your anniversary.’

‘It’s not for another three days, but he’s going to be out of town for business and wanted to celebrate!’

‘Why the fuck are you talking to us, then? Shouldn’t you two be fucking like bunnies?’

Kuai was silent for just long enough to make Erron worried. Then a picture appeared of some silky-looking, blue male lingerie, along with the caption “working on it”.

‘Who are you and what have you done with our precious marshmallow?’ Erron demanded.

‘He grew up and fell on the first dick he found,’ Johnny typed.

‘Fuck you.’

Erron bit his lip to hold his laugh in as Johnny’s name changed from ‘The Caginator’ to ‘Giant Bag of Crooked Dicks’. Kano shook his head in amusement before he knelt back down between Erron’s legs.

“Change the chatroom name to something funny.”

Erron tapped his lip in thought as his left hand pushed slowly through Kano’s hair. He grinned before clicking on the name and entering into the proper menu. He typed in the new name, hit save, and backed out to wait for the others to react.

He moaned and came in Kano’s mouth just as Kabal wrote the first, ‘you fucker!’ into the chat.

‘This Chat Just Lost The Game’.

**Author's Note:**

> And now you have too >3

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [A Real Pretty Picture](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19427200) by [Erronsvar](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Erronsvar/pseuds/Erronsvar)




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